travel portrait

Puerto Vallarta Mexico

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I have been in Puerto Vallarta for a while. I'm tired from the heat and humidity and I can't move much more than I wanted. Even though, I started understanding the character of this city in my own way. Sadly I don’t speak Spanish at all, so mostly only from travelers point of view…. I wish I can understand Spanish more!

Lots of people moving to PV past few years. I met quite lots of newbies from all of the world. All saying they sold everything they own in their country, and having total new start of their life in here. I think this city has the energy of welcoming those people. You can choose variations of lifestyle. From new condominium with doorman and swimming pool at rooftop to a shack in tropical jungle. And city has faces with somewhere in small town in Spain or some where in Europe, South East Asia, like Bali, and taste of SF. Lots of classic cars parked on cobblestone roads, and beautiful classical Spanish architectures.. And that’s only where I went past 3 weeks with my laziness… means there are lots more in this city!!

It’s kind of rainy season in here, so every evening thunderstorm happens, also fireworks! Many American and Canadian travelers and resident because it’s close by, but also I met people from Germany, Russia, Estonia, and England so far. I think here is very livable for many reasons. But hot!!!


Second time in Greece

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I wrote it the last week of staying Greece. Few days after breakup. It was very painful time, not only from break up, we were dealing tragedy accident that happened to us. Reading it makes me emotional, but I am glad that I could know I am healing, step by step, but definitely healing. 

I am having miserable and lonely stay in Greece now. Probably my time in Greece was finished last year. Facing breaking up with my relationship, which is huge fear and pain for everyone I think. Why this happened to me again? Why I am doing it.. I feel I am a drama queen, or addiction to love. But what I wanted was always long lasting love, true love, the love to the end what ever it is. Not something just spark and finish. But it turned out like that again…   I still not regret at all, I still truly loved him. 


But I should admit that I had some doubt for this relationship since beginning. I can’t quite explain well where that came from. Maybe just fear, fear of breaking up, fear to feel love again. 

We had strong magnet, but I felt we might need to give up few things to make this relation going. Also between us, life won’t be so settled.   I understand that sometimes we have to give up somethings in order to keep the relationship.  We might be happy to give up and merged into other life line. Or maybe not so happy, but definitely worth it. It is part of relationship process I guess. And won’t feel settling down is fun thing too, always challenging to new thing, moving around.  I also was thinking settling down means different for each person.  

I just felt it won’t be easy, but I couldn’t stop fall in love to him. 


Many times I felt I know him from other form. He wasn’t him, but the same soul. I wanted to find out who he was or who I am seeing trough his eyes. This beautiful, sensitive, warm and nostalgic familiar energy. 

He found something in me also, but what we start showing to each other was big wounds. Our heart is open, and we see pain inside. We couldn’t hide the wounds, because we opened up completely to each others. I am not sure he did, but I did. I think he is a guy who can’t hide many things, but also hide pain in other way. I was hiding the pain and even forgot it. I don’t want big drama and other pain to find out my issues/pain anymore, but yes, that is only positive way to see from breakup I guess… I found it. 


“Loneliness” has so many element. As well as any other emotions. But getting simpler and pinpointing and acceptable?!?! because it’s not so mysterious anymore after pointing out where it came from. And giving huge hug to it. My friend advised me to detach from emotions, still feel it all, but not be inside of it. Inner child work is similar to it. We find reasons, and visualize it as own childhood, separate from my own self, and feel the emotions completely. 


We had a lots of fights. And when we fights we became the wounds. Wounds controlling us, and we were acting like little kids. I saw him as crying, or huge sadness but he is attacking me, and I am attacking him(*verbally). I start screaming and yelling, while feeling fear to him.  I could only see complete hate, feels hatred from his eyes at that time. Facing some one who I love is hating me.. it’s unbearable fear. 

We both became monsters, loosing ourself in anger, and also crying in heart with this pain, and what we are doing to our loved one. 


This kind of fights doesn’t go anywhere. Some fights make the bond between two. But we are not really fighting to others, we are fighting with past, or just the wounds are screaming. 



I was started searching where my wounds came from, or what is it exactly. I thought if one person is healed, then maybe the fight won’t be bad. But it wasn’t easy, I was finding lots of related wounds doing breakup. I couldn’t change it so quickly. He couldn’t take it anymore, he had too much pain, and he decided to end. I still dreamed about overcoming obstacles, and having life with him. But also accepting it was our fate. We don’t need to take the hard road. 


I am hoping, he received love from me, not only pain. I want to be better at loving others. 

Aliens

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My friends said that I am an alien. I heard that from multiple friends, and from some of my exes too. I think it started after I moved to NYC, or maybe I don’t remember maybe before that. But I clearly remember I was teased by few friends in NYC early 20th because I had blue hair. I bet because of my hair or my behavior as an “artist” (I think I was creating my personality as an “artist”) in my 20th gave impression to others that I am an alien. Also my lack of communication skills as new to US… 

But I was just leave that there, not really thinking anything about it. It was interesting to hear what other think about me. One of my ex said I look like small monkey, and he were saying in loving way!

And Noriko, who is my sister-like, and healer, and teacher, became obsessed to aliens after 8 years? 10 years? of her kinesiology study. I was just super skeptical for long time, and wasn’t taking that seriously.  But for sure it influenced me, because her session became more effective and strong after she into this new thing. And changes of her life was accelerating, it was very curious.  

We decided to go Christmas trip together and we went Malta and Turkey for 2019-2020 Christmas and New Years vacation. It was interesting coincidence that she said she wants to go Malta. Because Malta was in my head for few months before that. My friend in Iceland told me his experience and how Malta is special place. I never heard about Malta until he told me.  I thought I wanted to visit him in Malta in Oct, but that was not realistic at that moment. Then Noriko found there are temples that she wants to visit in Malta.

So, we went there. And it’s all about Aliens….. She wanted to visit oldest temples or oldest megalithic structure in the world in Turkey which found not so long ago. And there are the oldest free-standing structures on Earth was in Malta, until the discovery of Göbekli Tepe in Turkey.  So begins in Malta, we went 5?6? Ruins include underground cemetery… That was scary to me! To be honest, I am not into that kind of thing. I prefer to go spa trip to Bali, Greece islands, Paris, Marseille etc… I like historical buildings, but not that much. Or won’t go to the other country just for that. But I was traveling alone enough, and I wanted to have some different experience that I can’t have by myself. And It was remarkable! I definitely couldn’t have the experiences without her. But to be honest, I felt little bit like research trip or business trip… for sure. 

We visited 1 or 2 Ruins per day, and of course not only that, we walked beautiful old city in Malta, ocean in Gozo island. 

I got sick in Malta, I am thinking that was Covid19, though. hahaha   So many people in Airplane were coughing since Oct 2019. I noticed that, and remember I was thinking I should wear masks in Airplane…  Then finally I got sick in airplane from Istanbul to Malta. Since Noriko is a brilliant and skilled healer, she healed me in 3 days. But I never really experienced that much coughing before, and I don’t get cold easily. Probably only once in 5 years?  It was super contagious, I got sick right away, and Noriko too. We were okay, my fever and coughing stopped because of her help. Anyway, we did everything that I said, more than that.. Visiting Ruins, eat delicious foods everyday, drink Malta wine walked beautiful beautiful places, went Christmas mass. We spent such a lovely Christmas there. 

Then we went Urfa, Turkey to visit Göbekli Tepe.  Big change from Malta to middle east, near Syrian.  I was really enjoyed it. But Noriko was suffering by Alien effect... 

Okay, I am not really talking about Aliens. It’s whole another stories, and already this story became too long…  I want to write about the trip more!  So, I gonna say here for now is… There are enough to believe for me that there were aliens on the earth.  Looking at made in 9000- 10.000 BCE buildings and sculptures and feeling of it. There are totally alien looking sculptures and evidences (to me),  that some kind of Aliens were doing some kind of DNA testing for creatures of the earth(include human). It’s sounds crazy, and I still in learning process in this thing. But when I opened up to new curiosity, I found out there are already so many people researching in this area. 

Dogon religion researcher Shannon Dorey has interesting research relate to Gobekli Tepe and Aliens. https://www.shannondorey.com/articles/published/gobeklitepe.html

Watching “Unacknowledged” on Netflix was festinating! As well as “Ancient Aliens”. (I just found those shows past two weeks ago during quarantine in Kauai!) And I watched all episodes of Atiya/ the gift https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10075318/

on Netflix in Istanbul,  after visiting Gobekli tepe.  I am so glad the guy at cute store told me about the show. Such a fun to watch right after I went the actual place!  

Now I am reading books of sex or hypnosis or history, but what I picked recently always involved aliens. The authors believe in it, and they include that in their book. 

It is another my challenge to coming out to myself after kinesiology. That I am obsessed about extraterrestrial existence and talk to them often. And maybe I am one of them! And I believe you are too. 

Home

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After traveling while and spent lots of time staying someone’s home, hotel, airbnb… I am craving to find another place that I could call home… My home in Kauai is more like investment at this moment. 

It was very hard for me to know what I really want. Because tons of options! But now I am feeling much more clear. After I lived in another houses, cities, or countries, and experienced lots of someone’s life...   I only need few things and not much options after I really know what I have and what I need for my lifestyle. 

My first search was somewhere in America, and city. But to be honest, I wasn’t really attracted to any places in America… So one of the first thing came in mind was “where is the best place for skin??”….. Stupid, but I seriously searched that. Portland OR was good for that, though.


And ended up I gave up and just exploring other countries. I fall in love almost all countries and cities where I visited, but I couldn’t felt so realistic to moving to other countries. 

And what I was trying recently was “why not Japan??” So, after leaving Japan for almost 20 years, I was thinking of living in Japan again. 

I was craving to settle down and to have a deeper connections with others. I met wonderful people during the trips, but I can’t really build any relationships if I keep moving. 


I thought it should work in Japan because I already have people who I feel deeply connected, family. I am feeling loved and belong to, but ended up I couldn’t picture myself live in Japan. My simple needs in my lifestyle are nothing met in Japan. 


But I know that I couldn’t find this answers what I really need until I spent some time in Japan and my family. I feel supported by them. I can still show them everything and act like a teenager. Because of it I could feel it is okay to be selfish to live my life.  Also Japan is definitely my root, so I could see why I became like this,(me) and what is important for me better than when I am in other places. The experience from living with my family in the last two months has given me the courage to do what I really want and say aloud that I need it.


So I am having a big expectations for Bali… I hope I could able to feel home in here at the end of my stay!

*Photos of few places where I stayed…. Only few from tons of places. And I am regret that I didn’t take all !


Sól

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Another reason I wanted to come to Iceland was my friends told me that they felt so many fairies in Iceland. Or they said Icelandic people were like fairies.  When I first saw Sól in a yoga studio where I always went to Reykjavik, I thought “That is true! I found a fairy!”  

Because she put pointy ears, and her long hair was under her hip, her outfit was like a fairy from inside movies.  Probably few days after I first saw her, I realized she is a teacher as well as one of the studio owner. 


 I usually not really friendly and won’t start making a conversation with strangers. I hate some yoga teacher who says “Let’s introduce each other, say hello to neighbors!” … Oh gosh, why I have to be social, I just want to do yoga! leave me alone!  That is my normal attitude.  But in Iceland I was different after soaking in a “feeling safe" bath for two weeks. I was much more friendly, and could able to talk people in the yoga studio sometimes.  I told her that I really like her outfit, and you are very beautiful!  And she said “Thank you, but I am just your mirror”  ….  I was ??? for while, and that was stuck in my head.  

I know the phase, but I usually thought that for negative situations. Like, when someone feeling uncomfortable, dislikes, anger etc.. for someone/something, then it is just showing your problems in it.  But I wasn’t realized that is apply to positive things too. 


I was keep thinking “what I was seeing in her, then?” 


I was very happy to be able to do photo collaboration with her. And time with her was bliss. I can't believe that was the first time together with her. Felt like she is my old friend. My heart was completely open, and all my words came from there.. no frills, also able to express deep. Only true words. Even though we both spoke our second language. 


The words are interesting. We talk, talking about something, but it's often not from our heart.  Saying things that you heard somewhere, agree to disagree, pretend to understand when you don't understand. 

Many times I shut my heart because I believe people don't understand me, or fear to be rejected. (then of course they can’t understand me!) 


Because of her, I was so free. Because she is free. She said it took her long time to be her like now. And she still working on it. But for me she was so free, and she know who she is. She is in her body, which she created. She lives her life which she created. Everybody lives there life as own creation, but not so much consciously created.  


She is mom, yoga teacher, singer, shaman, business owner and wife. But She is Sól. That is the freedom that I am looking for. She can freely share herself, because she is not hiding anything from themselves. She can freely share her love to others, because she giving enough love to herself. Having the courage to live the life that she wants and effort to do it… Sól was so real and all her expression was neither higher nor lower than herself. 


Things that I saw in her was the person who I want to be…. That is my conclusion for this. 




アイスランドに行きたかった理由の一つに　”アイスランドって妖精がたくさんいるみたいな感じ”とか　”アイスランド人ってみんななんか妖精みたいだったよー” と何人かの友達が言ってたので　気になる～と思ったから。最初にソルをいつも行ってたヨガスタジオで見かけた時、”ほんとだ！妖精がいる！” と思った。彼女の耳がとんがってて　髪の毛はお尻の下まで伸びてて　服装も映画で見る妖精みたいだったから。多分　最初に彼女を見かけてから数日後、彼女がヨガティーチャーで　そのスタジオのオーナーの一人であることを知った。


私は基本　人見知りっていうの？あまりフレンドリーではない。よくハワイのヨガスタジオで　クラスの前に”さあ　隣の人に自己紹介しよー！”とかいう人いるんだけど　ゲー　またきたよ、なんでヨガきてそんなことしなきゃいけないわけ？ヨガだけさせて！と思うのがいつもの私なんだけど　なんせこの安心感２００％のアイスランドで２週間過ごしたおかげで　人に対する抵抗やら恐怖も和らぎ、ハートが開いてたんで　自分から話しかけたり　会話を楽しめるようにもなっていた。で　ソルに　すごく素敵なヨガウエアだね！そしてあなたはとても綺麗だね～と言ったら　”ありがとう、でも私はあなた自身を映し出してる鏡なだけだから”と言われ　？？？となった。

「Everyone is your mirror： 誰もがあなたの鏡」ってよく聞くんだけど　なんだかネガティブなことでしか考えたことがなかった。例えば　誰かを嫌って思ったり　怒りが湧いてきたり。それは自分の中にある問題が　その人を通して見えているっていうこと。それがポジティブなことに関しても当てはまるとは考えたことなかった。

私は彼女の中に何を見ているんだろう？？　それを言われてからぐるぐる考えていた。


彼女と撮影ができることになってすごく楽しみだった。そしてその日、彼女との時は至福の時間だった：）なんか昔からの友達と久しぶりに喋っている感じだった。初めて二人での時間を過ごしたとは信じられない。全く偽りのない言葉が自分から出てくる。飾りのない心からの声。お互いが自分の言語でない英語を使っていたのにもかかわらず、とても深く喋れた。


言葉って不思議。適当に使うこともできる。適当に相づち打って　同意してないことに同意して　対してそう思ってもいないことを喋り続けたり。多くの場合自分が心から喋っていると思えない。それは自分が受け入れられないであろう、という恐怖だったり　理解されない、という思い込みだったりで自分が閉じてしまっているから。



彼女のおかげで　私はすごく自由でいられた。それは彼女が自由だから。”こういう風に自分を見つけられるまでには　ずいぶんと時間がかかったし、まだまだ課題はある”と彼女は言ったけど　私から見たら　彼女は十分に自分を見つけれてそれを生きている。自分の人生を自分の生きたいようにクリエイトできている。

彼女は母であり、ヨガティーチャーであり、ミュージシャンであり、シャーマンであり、ビジネスオーナーであり、妻である。けれど　彼女はSólである。まず自分がある。そういった自由、それが私が望んでいるもの。

彼女の家に行ったから　その生活を垣間見て　子供達にも会い、旦那さんと電話で話す姿も見た。そこの全てに一貫してSolがいた。自分をしっかり愛せて　しっかりと自分の足で立っている。そうすると人に対しても愛が溢れ出て　こういうゆとりを持てるのかなぁ。。とぼんやりそれを見ながら思った。

たった１日だけど　たくさんシェアできて　一緒に何かを作り上げられて　とても濃い時間を過ごせた。


私が彼女の中に見た自分。。　それはなりたい自分だったんだなぁっていう結論。

@onelovesol

Smoke and Crater

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My new Italian friend Eddi made me and Laura a Ragu pasta on the last night of our stay in Ólafsfjörður. It was so yummy, real Italian food! With two nice Italians :D Feeling super full at the night, and still have some pasta left in my belly next morning. We left Ólafsfjörður and heading back to Reykjavik. Driving in Iceland was awesome, best driving experience than anywhere else(Especially sitting in the passenger seat). Dramatic and gorgeous scenery that passes by every moment. Eddi was smoking electric cigaret, and I hate cigaret…. but this one smelled strawberry!! And I could able to get this awesome photo of smoke and Eddi… So not that bad.

最終日の晩に　エディーがラグーパスタを作ってくれた。ローラとエディーはイタリア人で　その中で手作りのパスタを味わえる幸せ。。食べ過ぎて次の日の朝もお腹いっぱいな感じ。この日はエディーの運転でレイキャビックに帰る日。アイスランドのドライブは感激の美しさの景色がずっと続くので全く飽きない。助手席に座って　これを見れていて　またしても幸せ。。。

エディーが電気タバコでタバコを吸っていて　基本タバコ大っ嫌いな私なんだけど　このタバコ、いちごの香りだった！！！臭くないし　このエディーの写真撮れたし、ストレス全くなし。

He took me several places and each places are memorable. But the most impressive location to me was a crater walk…

I am anime geek, I bet growing up in Japan automatically made me like that. We have such an amazing anime culture. I still cry when I watch Ghibli movies… which I watched tons of times.

This crater made me think I was inside “your name” anime movie… The scene in the movie was two different dimensions are connected at the crater. It was like that. I felt I was in between two different worlds. Surreal and mysterious. Maybe I was in between reality and anime world!

エディーがいくつかの場所に寄ってくれた。どこもとても印象深いんだけど　一番私にとって印象に残ってるのが　このクレーター。

私は日本のアニメ好き。日本の文化で一番私にとって重要なんじゃないかしら？いや　お風呂かなぁ？納豆か？で　このクレーターは結構最近見た”君の名は”（だったよね？）のメインの二人が出会うシーンを思い出させた。どこも結構非現実的な美しさのアイスランドだけど　ここにいた時はなんだかとっても不思議な気分だった。どの現実にも所属してない感じ。。。エディーにはわからない　不思議な(もしかしたらアニメの）世界に一人浸っていた。


The notion of time is largely related to the experience at that time. I spent 10 days in 1 day, this was that kind of day. My time is weird recently, or always… I can’t believe I was in LA last spring, and early summer. Some memory feels far away, and some so close.

Sunset at the day was awesome:)

時間の概念？って本当にその時の体験に左右される。この日は１０日間を１日で過ごしたような日だった。最近の私の時間の感覚はかなり変。いつも変なのかもしれないけど。。　春だったか？ロスにいた時の写真見て　なんだかびっくりした。今年は二回だか三回だか行ったんだけど　写真によってはものすごい昔な気がする。最近だ、と感じる記憶があったり　ずいぶん昔だなぁって感じる記憶もある。

この日のサンセットは最高だったなぁ。




North Iceland

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I was staying an artist residency in Northern Iceland. This was the most small town/village I ever stayed in my life, I think. After lived in NYC and Tokyo for years, Reykjavik was super quiet, low population density city to me. And here Ólafsfjörður was almost too much at one point, I was feeling trapped to another world where is no one exist.  I was walking to find a bonfire and beach cleaning event one day, and lost in the fog. I didn't see anyone for an hour,  walking around the beach and the town.  I needed to go bathroom, so kinda gave up and went back to the residency. I was so happy when Laura came back, and she took me to the event, where humans exist!  



Ólafsfjörður was mystical, such a beautiful place. This small town is in between two mountains, you have to go through one of tunnels to get to the town. That is already adventurous and mysterious to me. 

It was very interesting to meet young people who choose to live there. A girl I met she decided to come back here after lived in Reykjavik, and she said that was right decision.  A guy from Portugal who found a home in here after traveled a lot.  A woman at bonfire who going to cold ocean swim every day was so energized and shining. I get bored pretty easily in Kauai, and I was hard to imagine I could be the same like them. Seems like everyone I met at Ólafsfjörður was happy, so free to be themselves(I meant, it was common to everyone I met in Iceland). I could see calm, confident and satisfied from their eyes.



I remember in the first year in Kauai, I was talking my boyfriend at that time that I wanted to be a person who enjoys little things, and can appreciate them. So doesn’t feel bored, because knowing nothing is the same.   Like.. different sound of bird singing, weather, feeling of fresh sheets.  Different taste of breakfast, even if it’s exactly the same ingredients from yesterday.  My feelings are always changing, that is kind of fun to observe.  It is hard to do the exact same day(not possible) even if I feeling I am having repeated life. 

I actually do enjoy almost all things I said above.  I enjoy the same breakfast for more than 6 years! I always always enjoy shower or bath! But result is…. I am keep traveling, looking for obvious new experiences and always seek new stimulation. 



So... I have no conclusion about this... lol  Because I am happy who I am now(so far so good!). I don’t think I could live there, but I could understand happy people in Ólafsfjörður.  It’s not really boring if you have engaged to community.  If there are people who you really care and connect. And it is beautiful place!!! Also they might be the people who I wanted to be 5 years ago. I still want be like that, find joy from small things and appreciate it. And never really feel boredom. My definition of joy means more like to be aware. I do enjoy portion of negative reality that I experience. Because it won’t be forever, and it usually brings me a great teaching. Hard to feel appreciation in middle of shocking event, though. But definitely not feeling bored!



So the conclusion is ... staying in Ólafsfjörður was a lot of fun!!  A dreamy week, lovely time with Laura, and with Eddie at the end of the stay. He took me to many beautiful places on the way back to Reykjavik! That is next. . .

あまりに長くなったので　日本語は　写真の後にしまーす。

レイキャビックの後　アイスランド北部の町、 Ólafsfjörður。。。日本語読みしたらなんて言うんだろう？オルスファー？名前は最後まで覚えれなかった。。。　とにかく　ここにある　アーティストレジデンシーに１週間泊まったのだけど　今まで生活をした中では一番　田舎というか　小さな町だった。（多分。。。私の記憶はあてにならないが　そんな気分）ニューヨークとか　東京で生活していた経験から　レイキャビックは　もうすでにすごく静かで人の密度も少なく、小さな街だったので　Ólafsfjörðurに来て　ある意味またカルチャーショックを受けた感じ。村に一件あるスーパーまで歩いて行く間　誰も人を見ないなんてざら。

レジデンシーに同じタイミングで滞在していたローラが　ビーチクリーニングの後に焚き火をしてランチをみんなで一緒にするイベントがあるから来る？というので　行く！！と言って　楽しみにしてたんだけど　その日寝坊して　もうローラは出てたので　一人でビーチクリーニングの集団を探しに出かけたのだけど　１時間　ビーチを歩いても　それらしき人達が見つからない。。その日は霧が濃くって　本当に違う世界に行っちゃったかと思った！遠くの方に歩いてる人を見かけたけど　そこに行くまでにその人たちは消えていた。結局　トイレが我慢出来なくなり　諦めてレジデンシーに帰ることにしたんだが　ちょっとしたらローラが帰って来て　で焚き火に連れてってくれた！そこには人がいた。。。。笑

Ólafsfjörðurは　２つの山に挟まれていて　ここに行くには　どちらかのトンネルを通らなければいけない。もうそれだけで　なんか違う世界って感じ。

この街で会った人たちはみんなオープンで幸せそうだった。アイスランドで会った人　ほぼそうだけど。。。自分らしく　のびのび生活してる感じ。こんな人里離れたところで生活してて　飽きないのかな？？と真剣に考えてしまった。カフェで働いてた若い女の子は　レイキャビックに数年住んだ後　この町へ帰ってきたと言う。で　すごく幸せだそうだ。焚き火イベントで会ったポルトガルから引っ越してきた私と同じ歳くらいの男性は　色々旅して回った結果　ここに引っ越してきたそう。同じくそこで会った女性は　毎日寒中水泳を海でしてるそうで　すごく元気で健康そうで楽しそうだった。

私はすぐ飽きてしまう。カウアイにいると　２週間でもういいやってなる。すごく綺麗なところだし　最初の１週間は感動の嵐なんだけど　エネルギー充電すると　さ、次の冒険へ！になる。

カウアイへ引っ越してきた最初の年に　その時の彼に　”毎日の繰り返しの中から幸せを見つけていきたい、同じ日はないということを実感し、感謝できるような人になりたい”と言ってたのを覚えてるのだけど　結局のところ　常に新しい冒険、挑戦にいつも心が惹かれてしまう。今の所　今の自分のこの感じが好きなのでいいんだけど　もうちょっと　この飽きる、という感覚はなくなっていってもいいなぁって思う。飽きないところは全く飽きずにずっと楽しく同じこと繰り返してるんだけどね。食べ物とかヨガとか写真とか。。　一旦飽きた、つまらない！って思うとダメなのよね。

ここの人達は　どうしたら　こんなにここでの生活を楽しめるのだろう？？と想像してみたんだが　わかることは分かる。強いコミュニティーのつながり感があれば　その中での変化で忙しかったりするんだろう。３軒隣のなんとかさんが家をリフォームするからヘルプしなきゃ、とか　今日はうちが子供をプールに連れてく日、とか。小さな町でも　みんながみんなを知ってて　繋がってて　ヘルプしあってたら　結構忙しいだろうよなぁって。家族が増えれば　それだけで用事もイベントも増える。実家に帰るとそれを体感するので　これが町レベルだったら凄そう。　でも人と繋がってる感がなかったら　無理だろうなぁ。。

まぁ　本当に綺麗なところであることは確か！夢のようなところだった。夢のような１週間。もうこの町になんども来ているローラのおかげで　コミュニティーに一瞬参加できたし　単に訪ねるより少し深く見れたような気がする。彼女との会話も　最後に迎えに来てくれたエディーとの３人の時間もすごく楽しかった：）

Glacier

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There were several reasons why I wanted to visit Iceland. One was a glacier. My friend told me how she experienced strong healing when she had glacier hike, and I wanted to feel it.  However, I had experienced so many other healings right after I landed to Iceland.  I could see the aurora, my body was purifying from the Icelandic water that I drink every day from the tap,  soaked in the hot springs so many times, absolute sense of safeness which I never felt, and quietness and the air quality.... It was all healing.  I saw Glacier with Chris from far away in beginning of Iceland trip, so I was feeling okay to not go Glacier hike. Also I don’t wanted to join a tour to go with bunch of strangers…  But I was more than happy when Pepe took me to the amazing Glacier hike! I could able to drink glacier water! and bite the ice! It was super tasty. 


I was walking at Mission street in San Francisco the other day. I usually avoid the street, because so many homeless people and no cute stores to stop by. I feel uncomfortable to walk the street. 

I was feeling energized in the morning without any reasons, so I thought I should try to face the fear of the street… also thought it won’t effect me that much.  Then I was feeling my energy level dropping down a lot.. And for while I felt depressed and tired. 


We had good amount of walk over the glacier, and that's not easy. Plus long drive(I wasn’t driving, though…) , and after that I had lots of energy to go to two waterfalls by myself.  I was running to get to the waterfalls, I got soaked from splashed water from waterfall but I didn’t care. It was freezing but also I didn’t care. And even after dinner still had good amount of energy left. 

That kind of things usually matter to me.  I usually complain when I feel cold, I don’t have much stamina to stay up late or enjoy whole day trip. But I was just super energized and happy at that day.  


In some places I get energy. After traveling almost full time, I became more sensitive to the vibes of each locations. What make me feel so different? climate? sunshine? people? culture? air? 



I think it’s related to different stages of my life. Like NYC was my power spot when I was late teen to early 20th, but nature definitely more important now,  I gain much more energy from it. Also noticing I get really effected by people. Location attract similar minded people, and it seems effecting me a lot. And important for feeling good is how my body feels. Air quality makes so much differences for happiness for my body. Temperature, air and water as well. Quietness and good sleep, and of course, foods. 

So, I still looking for a place I can call home… My body and spirit probably happy if I live above glacier…(yes?) or just be in nature and became a hermit. But my mind needs variations in daily life. I get easily bored, so I want to have some cultures around me as well as access to nature.


There are long lists of things that I want for my future home. I might not able to have all, and I need to prioritize few things, or maybe one to make a decision. I finally feeling that I began to understand what is important to me, after trying years!!!  So, it’ll come…. It will. 

Well, I might just realize that I already have everything… HA-HA

So now I’m going to enjoy this process as much as possible.


アイスランドに行きたかった理由の一つで　氷河に触れたかった、というのがあった。最近アイスランドに行った友達が　氷河でのものすごく強いヒーリング効果、氷河のあるおかげでアイスランド自体がすごく癒されてて　とても気がいい、というのを聞いて　それは経験してみたい！と思ったから。実際行ってみて　それが氷河のおかげなのかはわからないけど　とにかく　どこにいたって癒しのエネルギーに満ち溢れてたので　最初の方に友達と行ったドライブで氷河は見たし、オーロラも見て　温泉にも散々入り、美味しい空気と水に毎日触れ、静けさにも　人々の心のゆとりからも癒されてたので　氷河に行くのはもういいかなーと思ってたし　ツアーに参加したくなかったので　氷河ハイクはほぼ諦めてたんだけど　知り合ったぺぺが最後の最後で連れてってくれるってことになり　で結果として　最高だった！！氷河の上を歩いてるだけで　本当にどんどん元気になる。氷河の水も飲んだし　氷も食べた！すごーーーく美味しかった：）


昨日　今泊まってるサンフランシスコのミッション地区にある　それこそミッションストリートを歩いた。いつもだったら避けて通る道なんだけど　昨日の朝は元気だったので　あの道を歩いてヨガに行ってみよう、という気になった。なんで嫌いかって　歩いてる人　全てホームレス？っていうくらいのホームレスの多さ、店は小汚く　道もかなり気をつけてないと犬の糞やらを踏む、で気分が落ちるから。そのすぐ隣のバレンシアストリートは　小洒落たお店が立ち並んで　全く違う雰囲気。これがサンフランシスコの現状で　貧富の差が大き過ぎる。ごみ溜めの隣がミリオンマンションって感じ。昔のニューヨークがこんな感じだったなぁって思う。もっと危険度が高かったけど　ホームレスがそこら中に横たわって寝てたり　ゴミをあさってた。そしてここはその中をポルシェだったり高級車に乗った若者が走り去る。おしゃれなヨガウエアを着た女性が歩いてく。不思議なのは　治安がそこまで悪くないってところ。でも　毎回来るたびに　ホームレスの数は増えてる気がする。で結果　３ブロックくらい歩いて　自分のエネルギーが急速に落ちた感じで　元気だったのに　ものすごく疲れ、落ち込んだ。かなりずーっと影響した。



私は自然の中にいると　結構体力が持つ。氷河のハイキングに行ったときは　そこそこのドライブ、氷の上を歩くってのは結構大変、でそのあと　ぺぺは車で待ってたけど　一人で２つの滝を見に行って　びしょ濡れになって　かなり寒くってもへっちゃら、結果夜遅くまでディナーして帰っても　まだ結構元気だった。私は普段そこまで体力がある方ではない。　車でちょっと移動するだけで車酔いする時も多いし　寒さに文句はたくさん出るし　人と一日一緒にいたらへとへとになるから　２、３時間で切り上げたいし　ディナーは遅くなるからスキップ、といったのが普通。でも　アイスランド、特に氷河での自分のエネルギーの高さ？豊富さ？にはびっくりした。


歩いてるだけで元気になるところ、落ちるところ、そういった場所の持つエネルギーに旅を続けてるうちにどんどん敏感になってる気がする。場所がどう自分に影響するかってのがよくわかってきた。何がそんなに影響するんだろう？　気候？太陽？人？空気？


今の自分が何を欲してるか、が関係してくるとは思う。１０代後半から２０代の前半は　ニューヨークが確実に自分のパワースポットだった。でも今は行くとかなり疲れる。今は自然からの影響の方が強い。自然がないとやってられない　笑

あと　その場の人のエネルギー。場所は似たような人を惹きつける。ハワイには似たような考えを持つ人が集まり　ニューヨークはまた似たような考えの人が集まる。その人々が持つエネルギーが私には影響する。あとは体がハッピーかどうか。空気が綺麗で水がいいと私の体はハッピーって言ってくる。静かでよく寝れればハッピーって言ってくる。暖かい方がいいけど　水と空気の方が重要みたい。あとはもちろん食べ物。

これだけから行くと　氷河の上にでも住むか　自然の中で仙人暮らしが幸せなんじゃないか？って感じだけど　私のマインドはそれじゃイヤ。バリエーションがないと苦しくなる。自然だけじゃいや、人が作るものも生活の中で楽しみたい。それが私のマインドが望むもの。


１年半以上旅し続けて　家って思えるところを探している。自分が本当に落ち着ける場所を探してる。まだ見つからないけど　なんかやっと自分が本当に必要とするものが見えてきたんじゃないか？って感じ。全部を手に入れることはできないかもしれない、どれが自分に一番大切なのかを決めなきゃいけないのかもしれない。でもなんか見えてきてるからまぁ見つかるでしょう。。。もしかしたら　もうあったって気付くだけかもしれないし　笑　そのプロセスを楽しもうと思う。

Reykjavik- レイキャビック

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I was staying Reykjavik for 3 weeks. I was originally thinking to stay some portion in Reykjavik, and traveling different areas of Iceland. But few things happened and ended up I was watching a kitten for 3 weeks. First, I thought it’s too long, but actually it was really perfect. And now Reykjavik is one of the place where I want to live! Not sure it could be realistic, since I don’t like cold, and 46 degree might be average summer temperature in here… and 9 months of dark and cold winter in Iceland…. Still, I felt this is different type of paradise, I really fallen love into this city.



Size wise it’s perfect for me, and super quiet. Very very safe. This is one of the most safest country in the world. Creativity in here makes me feel freedom. I feel everyone expressing freely, and support system is good in here. Many galleries, activities, and variations. but not overwhelming like New York. I also love the taste of creations in here. Delicate, careful, and original. Something very soft and detailed, yet very simple.. I could see some similarity with some of Japanese art, in different way. 



And people in here… that is the best! Who attract in Iceland and moved in here has similarity. Yeah of course, who chose New York or who chose to live Hawaii has different needs, location attracts similar type of people. Almost everyone I met here from outside is very sweet, soft spoken, sensitive, independent, creative and kind. And Icelandic who I met… I only had long conversations with 4 Icelandic so far, but they all very interesting!!! They are new type of people to me. What I feel from them is confident, really open, so naked… they don’t have wall, because they never needed. They don’t need to put masks, also they never needed. I don’t see fake smile from Icelander, they not trying hard to prove themselves to others. I don’t think Icelander is not that friendly, but they are totally for you to help if you asked.  And open and happy to have conversations if you start talking. No fear to others, and just so natural… don’t know how to describe.. genuine?  They are real, not fake. 



I think that all came from deep connections between people and strong sense of safeties. I met a guy talking it’s difficult for him to find a date, because with his big family group. He can’t find a date without finding that they are relatives… My friend told me no one lock the door, when he moved to Reykjavik 20 years ago, include himself. And he found stranger sleeping on his couch many times. It was normal things in Iceland at that time. Actually, until pretty recently. People just go in random houses for pee without confirmation. Or if you are too drank and can’t drive, just open a door and sleep someones apartment for a night. 

If you really feel safe and connected to people.. like if you are with family(good one), and if you feeling accepted and protected by them.. then why you need to pretended to be cool, or better or create wall to not get hurt. You feel freedom to express yourself, create your creations, speaks from truth. 



They probably have different issues that they working on. Which I don’t see from my side. But what I am feeling and experiencing is like that. And I have never experienced this level of depth of connections to others and safeness that they have. I might had something like this when I was kid, but I was pretty insecure baby… so maybe not. 



Such a beautiful place, oh yeah, I want to come back. Pretty cold, though! 



レイキャビック



レイキャビックに３週間も滞在した。最初は長くて２週間予定だったんだけど　色々問題発生で　猫の面倒を私が見ることになったので　結局ずっといることになった。で　結果としてはすごーくよかった！

旅ばかりしているから　一箇所にいて　ヨガ行って　友達と会って　ご飯作って、、みたいな　普通の生活が楽しかったのと　レイキャビックという街が本当に良くって　それを堪能できて最高だった。



この国の安全性は世界一って言われてるくらいで　本当に安全なのが身に染みてわかる。夜　誰もいない道をヨガの帰りに歩いていても　全く危険を感じない。ホームレスはいない、よく　都会で見かけるような　ストレスで喚いてたり　怒ってる人も見たことない。

偶然歩いて行けるところにいいヨガスタジオを見つけ　毎日通って体力も付いてきて　やはりエネルギーが回ると　創造性も広がるし　そこへの元気も出る。そのヨガスタジオのオーナーの人と仲良くなり　いい影響をたくさん彼女から受けたり　会う人会う人　本当に良い人ばかり。　蛇口から出る水は温泉水だから　お肌はスベスベ、温水プールはそこら中にある。プールは塩素臭さが全くなく　水が優しくいつもの数倍泳げて　サウナもジャグジーもある。　



なんでも高いけど　レストランで食べる料理は　丁寧に作られててなんでも美味しい、スープは本当に美味しかったし　寒いけど　違った形のパラダイスを大満喫した。ある意味　ヨガリトリートとアーティスレジデンシーに泊まる感じ。。を自分で一人でやった、みたいな生活をしてた。毎日ヨガ行って　３日に一回くらい　プールとジャグジー、一日数時間はなるべくクリエーションにフォーカスする。それがしやすい環境が　この街には整っていた。静けさ、クリエイティビティーに対するサポートとオープンさ、ストレスがない生活。





寒いの全然得意じゃないから　夏でも１０度くらいなアイスランドに住むのは微妙だが　今まで旅した中で一番住みたいなって思える街になった。アイスランドの人は　安心感からくるのか　差別心も感じなければ競争心も感じない。根本にある強い安心感は自由な表現にも繋がっていて　みんなが自由で裸な感じ。実際　最初に話し始めた時が　更衣室のシャワーの中で　裸だった、なんてのもあるけどね　笑　

自分を作らない、壁を作ったり見栄を張ったりする感じがない。素直に自分を表現している。アートで言えば繊細で丁寧で美しいものが多い印象。料理もそう。日本人にはとても合うんじゃないかなぁ。アイスランドに惹かれてここに住んでいる人たちも　みんな優しく喋り、穏やかで良い人ばかり。この国を選ぶ人は似てくるんだろうなぁ。カウアイもそうだけど　なぜか男性が癒されまくってる感じをよく見る。目が綺麗なの。他の場所ではあまり気になったことがない。





水がきれい、あふれている、空気がいい。それだけで癒される部分ってたくさんある。プラス　住んでる人、その歴史　それが街のエネルギーを作り出すけど　ここは本当に優しい、自分でいやすい、自分の嫌なところですら　見る勇気ができ　それをなんとか受け入れられたりする。　この地ではストレスは発生しないんだけど　アイスランドにいるタイミングで　仕事や人間関係で　辛いことがいくつかあり　でもそれを受け止められる、ちゃんと面と向かって見るだけの勇気をくれたのは　アイスランドって土地のサポートが大きいと思う。







ここの人が持つ問題は今の私からは見えてこない。けれど　恋愛をしたいのに　自分の家系が大きすぎて　会う人会う人みんな結局親戚で　結婚できないっていってる男性がいた。ニューヨークの友達からの紹介で知り合った人が　ヨガのオーナーと繋がってた。誰もが結果　家族として繋がってしまうってのは　それなりに息苦しいかもしれない。けれどイタリア人の友達が言ってたけど　彼が引っ越して来た２０年前は　街のどこの家も鍵をかける習慣がなく　朝起きると知らない人がソファーで寝てるなんて　あまり驚くことではなかったらしい。酔っ払って　車運転できないから　ちょっと寝かせてねー　とか　トイレ行きたかった。とか　そんなんで　知らない人のうちに侵入するのがオッケーな国民性。

ここの土地、人の持つ、人と人との深いつながりからくる安心感、このレベルのこういったものを　体感したことは今までにない。

また来たいわぁ。



A week in Iceland

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I am here for a week now. Staying center of Reykjavik. What I notice so far is this town is very quiet. Iceland is quiet. It should be still high season, but I feel like this town is empty because of the quietness. My stay is truly middle of Reykjavik, 5 min to all restaurants, cafes, shops and bars. But I feel I am in forest. What I hear is sound of airplane and steam from heater, and sometimes foot steps from upstair. 


Definitely no sound pollution in here. I don’t hear loud music from car, or even no siren from ambulance. Yes, I hear people, and see people when I walk around town, but volume of sounds they make is probably less than half of normal American. Tourist voices stand up, looks like they giving speech to someone. Music in restaurant and cafe is minimum, as well as yoga studio. One teacher was using microphone because her voice is too small. Most of yoga teacher choose Icelandic music(I think that is Icelandic) and it’s beautiful, sort of fragile, ephemeral and still dynamic.  Mostly no words. It reminds me the nature I saw while driving county side of Iceland. 


I thought about a movie I saw a while ago. It’s call “Bokeh”(it’s still on Netflix) . This is a story of a couple traveling to Iceland and one morning everybody in the Iceland, and world disappear. 


I don’t wanted to be alone this trip. So I was trying to make arrangement to be with people. I usually definitely no no to have roommates, but here in Reykjavik I supposed to have two roommates. A roommate left right after I arrived. He said he is going to visit his family. And other roommate dad passed away suddenly, so he has to go home as well. I don’t know him so much, but I was the first person to be with him after he heard this terrible news. It was very shocking and sad to see this sudden loss.



Life will change suddenly, and what is visible in eyes will change rapidly too. Bokeh means unfocused point in photograph. Loneliness will appear when my focus point matched to it. People will disappear when I not see them. 


Today the sun comes out after long period of cloudy, rainy days.

I hear more noises of the town

Last Summer

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For our summer trip, the last place we picked was Marseille. We left Madrid after staying for a long hot summer month in August.  We left at midnight and took busses to go Marseille. We were not sure it was a good idea to take a night bus, but ended up that it was not that bad. For my body, a bus was much easier than flying. And the seats had more space than an airplane’s.(economy seats).

Changing busses at Barcelona in the early morning, I felt some sort of melancholiness to see the city again. We arrived on Marseille on Sunday afternoon, tired. Suitcases rolling on the subway and street. We had a stupid fight in very beginning of our journey. Exactly the same, arriving Paris, tired, taking subway, rolling suitcases to find our airbnb. Seems like we had a tendency to fight in France. As well as feeling of extra passion and romantic feeling to me. France… such a passionate country.  

Check-in was bit hectic, but we really liked the apartment. After Spain, we craved a good baguette, yes, french baguette. We got a bottle of red, and a much better baguette most of Spain offered. And our standard meal, grilled ground beef, salad and some cheese. Celebrating our journey to arrive, and excited to see what surprises Marseille had for us. Also I couldn’t resist a feeling of sadness, because the summer was about to be ending very soon…


Next day, we walked everywhere in Marseille, that’s what I felt. Up and down in the city, we went to a beautiful church on top of a hill. It became one of my favorite churches. Brighter and airy. A lighter vibe than most of churches. We went to the harbor and were considering hopping onto one of the boats. We couldn’t decide, so we just kept walking around the sea port and had some rest at a cafe. Sometimes we are very indecisive. We had some fun photo shoots at our place later that day and prepared for a day trip to Cassis next day. 


Cassis was such a perfect pick for our final adventure. Turquoise ocean, mountains and rocks. We jumped in the sea several times. He was laughing because I couldn’t jump from the rocks. When I did, I hit my body badly on the water… Cassis was like a dream, it was just magical. 



Our long summer vacation ended. I won’t forget this summer. And it is actually almost a year ago…. New summer is about to begin. Life has changed a lot since then. Life is always changing. Although the most memorable changes happened in this season. My life started June 27th, on my birthday. Since then, summer is always about to bring me fresh air. 

 

New start, 2019

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It is New Year. Already 2019! To be honest, I had a difficult end of the year in North West. I am back in Kauai, and feeling ease and relieved, experiencing my heart and body melting. I realized how much weather effects my mentality and body. I was shaking and depressed almost the entire time in the North West because of the weather and other reasons from life. I escaped the winter for the most part during the last 4 years. I did visit my family in Japan during winter times but family always makes me warm.. So I didn’t experience sadness, loneliness, pain and winter all at the same time so it was tough! North West winter is not that bad, but the problem is there’s no sunshine. I was tired of the sun, from living in Hawaii and traveling during the summer in Spain. I sort of craved a break from the sun. And then God! I realized I needed it. I am a summer born baby. Summer makes me always excited. I love sun!!!! Didn’t know that.

First two weeks of Autumn in Portland was truly beautiful. My skin got lighter and smooth after 2 months without sun but with added moisture, which I’m really happy about. But cold… wet and dark brings up my negative side. Fear, sadness, wound from the past and victim mind. Pain was more painful, wound doesn’t have warm cover anymore. I’ve completely lost my confidence, after the darkness and winter time. It is still winter time, but lucky my home is in Hawaii, always summer. I definitely had numerous difficult times in Hawaii, but for the first time I understood why people coming here to heal. Also I really appreciate coming back to my own home.

Facing to my own darkness is hard, but the hardest was feeling detached from my own self. I felt lost and not being myself from being in fear, trembling and feeling lonely a little too long. Only about two weeks since I left the north west, but each day I feel myself coming back. I am surprised to see my differences even when I reflect back how I was two days ago.

I still experience many different feelings at the same time. But this is some change for sure. Fresh start, New Year, 2019. I want to be myself in any situations, and want to know more about me. Sound like the same resolutions I had in the past (many times!), but always something new to discover.. The last two months were tough (as well as the beginning of 2018!), although 2018 was such an awesome year..  A lots of fun and amazing experiences. I’m excited to see what happens this year.





もう新しい年になって早くも２週間。今年の年明けは　変化、というのがわかりやすい、というか　変化を実感せずにはいられないものとなった。年明け早々　ポートランドからカウアイに帰って来て　ホッとしてる。私にとって実は過去２ヶ月はかなり辛いもので　人間関係、恋愛、と上手くいかなく　孤独と自分の中の闇と向き合う時間となった。そして　こんなに天気が影響するものか？とびっくりするくらい　今　ハワイの太陽と気候に癒されている。正直　ハワイに４年住んで太陽にも夏からもブレークが欲しい、と思ってて　冬への憧れと　太陽からの肌の休息も結構楽しみにしてたんだけど　思った以上に辛いじゃないか！！という感じ。肌はすっごい調子が良くなって　白くなったし　それは嬉しいんだけど。。 ハワイに住んでて辛いこともたくさんあったんだけど　今回　ある意味初めて　ハワイに癒されに来る人の気持ちがわかった。この天気と　海と、山と、いやでも癒されちゃうなぁ　笑　　反対に　冬、寒さ　光がない、曇り、雨、霧　ずっとどんより　みたいな環境は　どうしても暗い気持ちになりやすく、自分の闇と向かいやすくなるなぁとも思った。そういう時もあっていいだろうし　ただ　ちょっと長すぎる恐怖と震えと孤独感で　自信を全く無くした感じ、自分が自分でなくなる感じ、もう訳がわからない感覚が辛かった。なんとか必死で持ちこたえた感。それがあったから　別れはあったけど　とにかく家に帰って来て　ホッとしている。自分の家は心地いい。

たった２週間とかだけど　日に日に自分の感覚を取り戻してきていて　２日前を思い出すと　ずいぶん違う感覚でいる自分を発見するくらい。いつも自分でいられればいいのに、って今となっては思えるけど　その渦中にいるとなかなか　どれだけ自分が自分の意識、感覚と離れているのかってわからない。毎日の変化が大きいから　自分を見つめやすい時間になっている気がする。自分に必要なもの、自分らしさ、を再確認している。

なんだかんだ言って　こう振り返ると　２０１８年はとっても良い年だった。出だしと終わりは苦しかったけど　それを上回るくらい　楽しい年だった。

闇から光の中へ、みたいな年明けになって　たくさんの違った感情をいっぺんに感じているような　不思議な変化な年明けです。







Travel Portrait

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I started traveling about 6 months ago. It’s been a great time, I also miss home but I’ve almost become addicted to moving constantly. I used to say I am a Portrait photographer based on Kauai, but I don’t really feel that way anymore. I think I’d like to call myself a travel portrait photographer? It’s not important but I just thought it might be cool:)

Since I started taking photos, photography and traveling have always been two pieces of the same puzzle. I don’t remember when I first thought I want to be a photographer, but I must of been really young. I remember when I went to a museum with my dad around 7 years old? and saw Robert Capa photos. I was thinking “Oh.. as a photographer, I have to go to a war too” I thought photographers need to go a war, and going to war is sort of traveling.

There are many different aspects of “Why I wanted to be a photographer”, but one of them is traveling. I’ve liked traveling almost all of my life, and I wanted to share my travel experiences with my family and friends. Also I wanted to keep the memories as my treasure. And another element is to connect with people. I remember unconsciously how I felt love from my parents and grand parents taking my photo as a child. And I started using my dad’s camera to take my family photos. I still rely on photography to connect with people, but I think I am better than before. I can make some friends without holding a camera.

But I can’t be a photographer who meets people anywhere they go to take their portrait photos, I am too shy to do that. Also not interested. I like having deeper connections with people than I would have if we had just met. I like to spend time with people. I guess great photographers opens up other people quickly and get deep connections with them, but I definitely need a little time to warm up with people. So I like traveling with someone and then surfacing the moments through them. Also the person I’m traveling with hopefully likes to take photos. That way, I’ll end up inside a few of the memories after all. That gives me some fun little surprises after the trip. :) That’s the best!

So I don’t know if what I’m talking about is called a ‘travel portrait photographer’. Maybe so. That is what I want to do right now.

ふと気づけば　６ヶ月前から旅をし続けています。家が恋しくなりもするし　旅疲れもしてくるけど　なんだかんだ　この常に新しい環境にいるということに　今はハマってるな、と思う。ちょっと前まで　自分はカウアイベースのフォトグラファーです、と言っていたけど　今はそれには違和感を感じるし　ベースってのもないなぁって思ってきて　トラベルポートレイトフォトグラファーにしよう！と思って　まぁ肩書きなんてどうでもいいんだが、、と思いつつ　なんかいいかも、と：）

旅と写真は　子供の時に写真を撮り始めてから　いつもセットである気がする。これ書いてて思い出したけど　最初にした　一人での展示はテーマが”旅だった。子供の時に両親と行った　ロバートキャパ展で　”私も写真家になるのなら　戦争に行かなきゃいけないのか。。。”とドキドキしたのを覚えている。これもある意味で旅だし。

子供の頃　写真家になりたかった、そして　それをそのまま今でも同じくやってるのには　色々な要素が組み合ってるけど　旅はその一つ。小さい頃からずっと旅行が好きで　その思い出、キラキラしてる状況を家族や友達にシェアしたい、そして　それを忘れたくない、とっておきたい、というので写真を撮っていた。　もう一つに　人とのコミュニケーションツールであること。無意識で　両親から、おばあちゃん達からの愛情を　写真を撮られることで感じてたのを覚えている。そして　お父さんのカメラで妹とかを撮り始め、１７、１８歳くらいからは　写真を撮る事によって人と繋がっていくことが増えて行った。２０歳でニューヨークに行ってからは　ほぼそればっかり。気がつけば　最近はカメラなくても　友達がやっと作れるようになってきたかも。。。？笑　でも　トラベルポートレイトフォトグラファーのイメージにあるような　旅先で　色んな人と出会い　生々しいショットをゲットできるような写真家にはなれないなぁと思う。それをやりたいかも微妙だし。誰かと旅をして　その人を通して　その時々を写していくのがいい。スローな旅の途中で　新しい人に会っていくのも　それもそれでもちろん楽しい。あ、あと　その人が写真好きで　私の写真を撮ってくれるっていうのも条件だなぁ〜　旅が終わって　全く私の写真がないとか寂しいし！　

これをトラベルポートレイトフォトグラファーと呼ぶのか微妙だけど　今はこうしておこうかと：）